Well, I am really overdue on an update, but I guess I have been pretty discouraged at the lack of change and have not felt there was much to say. Dad seems to be in a holding pattern right now, in my opinion he does not seem to be improving. On Wednesday it will be 6 weeks since he has gone into the hospital, and two weeks from being transferred to "Kindred" Hospital, the long term acute care facility. When I really think about how he was doing 4 weeks ago when he was transferred up to this point, I see very little, if any improvement. He is up and down...some days (or even some moments) he seems pretty clear minded, and like himself. Then other days, or even minutes after he seems fine, he will go into a state where he is staring at the ceiling, mumbling, and talking about things that make no sense. David told me last night that on Saturday he was VERY out of it, and telling David that Mom was "locked in the mailbox" and he needed to go get her out. Often he will mention Mom, and ask if she is there, and if not where is she. He seems very uncertain of where he is many times, and has told both David and I to call before we come the next day as he will not be there, or that he is in a hotel, or even "Karen's Friend's House".
So, honestly I have begun to really doubt if he will ever be improved enough to return to Victoria. He seems very weak, even unable to move a sheet on his bed. He even seems to have lost interest in watching TV, even sports as both David and I have noticed, which is so unlike Dad. His condition is very discouraging to me, as I know it is to David, as we feel as of this point he honestly has NO quality of life...nothing he looks forward to, nothing he enjoy. He is existing...in a room, often staring at the ceiling, not able to eat food, hardly able to move, with medical procedures being done to him all day that he does not seem to enjoy. David and I were discussing it last night, and it even seems that he gets little enjoyment from our visits any more either. He does not say much (what does he have to talk about...) and mostly stares into space with short yes or no responses. As I mentioned, some days he seems slightly better, and more able to focus and communicate. But I try to be realistic and not put too much hope into those little glimmers of his "good days" as I have seen too often that he can be right back to "out of it" the next day, or even 5 minutes later. Right now my greatest fear for Dad is that he will remain in this "limbo" condition for months or maybe years to come, staying alive because of the medical treatment he is recieving, but living in a greatly diminished condition from where he was before he went into the hospital.
Hopefully this answers some of your questions, sorry I have not been better about the updates.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Update on Dad-September 29, 2008
This is from an update email to my Dad's brother, my Uncle Lefty. Pretty much sums up what is going on right now. Sorry about the infrequency of the updates...I guess it is just pretty discouraging right now.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Soccah Starz-The Firecrackers
Well, one of my new favorite things about Fall is soccer, namely the soccer my two beautiful daughters are involved in. Yes, it's a pain the the you-know-what to have soccer practice FOUR (yes that's (4) days a week)...but I am learning to embrace and love those several hours a week. They are becoming forced hours of "me time" where I can sit on a chair and read, or work on the computer, or talk on the phone. Rare and precious time.
But then we get down to the actual soccer. Last year Avery despised it, every moment of it. She cried at practice almost every time, and hated the games, only running at the back of the "pack" never trying to even kick the ball, never mind score a goal. It was torture for her, but even more so for Rob and I.
But this year something different has happened. She actually likes it. No, I think she loves it. Week one, she scores one goal. Week two, she scores SIX goals. Week 3 she scores no goals, and is so upset by that she cries and has a cow...she wants those goals, and is not okay with not getting one.
I'll be curious to see what the future holds for my daughter and her soccer conquests. For right now, I am enjoying just watching her play (and 5 year-old girls playing soccer can be quite a hoot). Play on, Avery!
Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. And let's just talk about your sister and her soccer year. WOW! More on that later...
But then we get down to the actual soccer. Last year Avery despised it, every moment of it. She cried at practice almost every time, and hated the games, only running at the back of the "pack" never trying to even kick the ball, never mind score a goal. It was torture for her, but even more so for Rob and I.
But this year something different has happened. She actually likes it. No, I think she loves it. Week one, she scores one goal. Week two, she scores SIX goals. Week 3 she scores no goals, and is so upset by that she cries and has a cow...she wants those goals, and is not okay with not getting one.
I'll be curious to see what the future holds for my daughter and her soccer conquests. For right now, I am enjoying just watching her play (and 5 year-old girls playing soccer can be quite a hoot). Play on, Avery!
Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. And let's just talk about your sister and her soccer year. WOW! More on that later...
One more...Update on Rob...Sept. 23, 2008
I wish for the boring. The uneventful. The endless days of nothing to do. No one to worry about. No problems. No one sick, or hurt. Please???
Yeah, right. What do they say...when it rains it pours?
Today Rob had a medical procedure to relieve some of his chronic back pain. He had a "radio frequency denervation", which basically means isolating the sensory nerves in his back that cause him constant pain, and frying them. Okay, so "frying them" is probably not the technical term...but you get the idea.
I was his driver, as he had some meds during the procedure that required that. When it was done he commented that it was much more painful than he had anticipated (and he is definitley not a whiner) and seemed to be pretty uncomfortable the rest of the day. He slept on and off, and I did my best to adjust the pillows, bring him food and drink and rub him where it was not sore (no, not there...).
So in between trying my best to keep him comfortable I at least got a few loads of laundry done. See, there's an up-side to everything!
The Dr. says he will feel like he has been "kicked in the back by a horse" for the next week, but I'm sure he will go back to work tomorrow (and I know many people that would not). The good news is that this might possibly aliviate his back pain for 6-9 months...maybe even a year.
If it works...
Yeah, right. What do they say...when it rains it pours?
Today Rob had a medical procedure to relieve some of his chronic back pain. He had a "radio frequency denervation", which basically means isolating the sensory nerves in his back that cause him constant pain, and frying them. Okay, so "frying them" is probably not the technical term...but you get the idea.
I was his driver, as he had some meds during the procedure that required that. When it was done he commented that it was much more painful than he had anticipated (and he is definitley not a whiner) and seemed to be pretty uncomfortable the rest of the day. He slept on and off, and I did my best to adjust the pillows, bring him food and drink and rub him where it was not sore (no, not there...).
So in between trying my best to keep him comfortable I at least got a few loads of laundry done. See, there's an up-side to everything!
The Dr. says he will feel like he has been "kicked in the back by a horse" for the next week, but I'm sure he will go back to work tomorrow (and I know many people that would not). The good news is that this might possibly aliviate his back pain for 6-9 months...maybe even a year.
If it works...
Update on Henny-Sept. 23, 2008
We spent our Sunday visiting my in-laws in Canyon Lake. Henny (Rob's Mother) is in the very advanced stages of Alzheimers, and is under the care of hospice. She has two full time caregivers, plus the 24/7 caregiver that is unmatched, that of her husband of almost 60 years, Joe.
Henny looked very good to me this visit. She is in the hospital bed that is in their living room, but was full of smiles, and obvious happiness when she saw us...but especially when she saw her granddaughters. Once a mother, always a mother, and rarely have I met such a Mother as Henny. The love and caring she has so ingrained in her...deep to the core, comes out even when much of her mind cannot function. When she sees the girls, and especially when they hug and kiss her, her expression changes to one of pure joy. She closes her eyes as one does when they want to savor the moment, and her wide smile is an obvious sign of pure contentment. Ah, the simple things in life.
She seems to be in no pain, and for the most part seems to be just passing the days. We are happy for each day we get to share with her. I am learning just how much each day with someone you love is a blessing.
We love you Henny. May God hold you in His hands.
Henny looked very good to me this visit. She is in the hospital bed that is in their living room, but was full of smiles, and obvious happiness when she saw us...but especially when she saw her granddaughters. Once a mother, always a mother, and rarely have I met such a Mother as Henny. The love and caring she has so ingrained in her...deep to the core, comes out even when much of her mind cannot function. When she sees the girls, and especially when they hug and kiss her, her expression changes to one of pure joy. She closes her eyes as one does when they want to savor the moment, and her wide smile is an obvious sign of pure contentment. Ah, the simple things in life.
She seems to be in no pain, and for the most part seems to be just passing the days. We are happy for each day we get to share with her. I am learning just how much each day with someone you love is a blessing.
We love you Henny. May God hold you in His hands.
Update on Dad-Sept 23, 2008
Not much new to report. Dad is basically doing the same, he is still at Kindred Health Care, but no longer in the ICU. He has had his chest tube removed, and his breathing seems slightly better.
David spoke to the Dr. about Dad, and the Dr. feels that Dad is improving slightly. He also feels he will recover enough to return to Victoria, but has given no timeline as to how long that will take. Right now the Dr. wants to focus on physical therapy for Dad, to improve his strength to the point he is able to go back to a skilled nursing facility. We are paying to keep Dad's bed open at Victoria, and he is anxious to get back there.
Other than that, not much to report. Dad's progress is agonizingly slow, and that has much to do with his Parkinson's disease. Any improvement is good, even if that improvement is just his ability to move the sheets on his bed.
Maybe God is teaching us a lesson in patience?
David spoke to the Dr. about Dad, and the Dr. feels that Dad is improving slightly. He also feels he will recover enough to return to Victoria, but has given no timeline as to how long that will take. Right now the Dr. wants to focus on physical therapy for Dad, to improve his strength to the point he is able to go back to a skilled nursing facility. We are paying to keep Dad's bed open at Victoria, and he is anxious to get back there.
Other than that, not much to report. Dad's progress is agonizingly slow, and that has much to do with his Parkinson's disease. Any improvement is good, even if that improvement is just his ability to move the sheets on his bed.
Maybe God is teaching us a lesson in patience?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Update on Dad from David-Sept 17th
This was an update in an email in response to Dad's brother (Uncle Lefty) written by David.
Just thought it was a good summary of what is going on right now.
Just thought it was a good summary of what is going on right now.
In general, we have been pretty discouraged by the “holding pattern” of the last week. Throughout the week Dad’s vital stats have remained quite stable but much of the time he just seems very frail and tired. Despite the stability, it feels as though he can’t quite get “over the hump” in regards to the pneumonia. He remains on antibiotics and it just doesn’t seem like his immune system is capable of adding much to the fight.
Right now, I just don’t know what to expect when I go to see him. On Friday and Saturday, he was barely lucid and couldn’t stay awake long enough to even try to have a conversation. I left the hospital on Sat. night convinced that we had moved to a slow, inevitable wait for his passing.
On Sunday afternoon, he was awake, sitting up and willing to watch some football with me. He wanted to know the result of the Angel game and had a better sense of their upcoming schedule than I did…..go figure???? And yet, he was very much as Stef described – 50% on point and 50% in his own absurd unreality.
Last night he was a little more lucid but seemed tired again.
In all cases, he does not seem to be in any condition to be going anywhere very soon and I am feeling more and more like we may continue to be at this stage for awhile.
Welllllll…….I don’t want to go overboard with upbeat and cheery so I’ll stop for now and put myself back to work!
Sorry the message is something of a downer but, quicksand is kind of our reality of the moment.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Gone but NOT forgotten...Mom Sept 16th, 2008
Happy Birthday Mom...today would have been your 72nd birthday.
A very difficult day for your children, and all of those that love and miss you. How much I wished I could have gone deep under the covers today and been alone, just with my sadness and tears.
But God works in mysterious ways, and today worked for me through my dear friend Loretta...who knew it was a very difficult day for me and brought a beautiful card and flowers to me at my office today with a reminder.
Probably what I should have been focusing on all along...and that was to think about all of the things I love about Mom, instead of how much I miss her.
I love you Mom, and miss you so much. Thinking about what a wonderful person you are and how lucky I was to have you as a Mom makes me grateful...but also makes me miss you more.
I guess the wonderful thing is...when I think about memories of Mom, I think about her as a whole person, before she got sick.
I hope she is in heaven celebrating her birthday today...doing what she always said a "Grandma's reward in heaven" would be...rocking the baby angels to sleep.
I Love You Mom. Happy Birthday.
A very difficult day for your children, and all of those that love and miss you. How much I wished I could have gone deep under the covers today and been alone, just with my sadness and tears.
But God works in mysterious ways, and today worked for me through my dear friend Loretta...who knew it was a very difficult day for me and brought a beautiful card and flowers to me at my office today with a reminder.
Probably what I should have been focusing on all along...and that was to think about all of the things I love about Mom, instead of how much I miss her.
I love you Mom, and miss you so much. Thinking about what a wonderful person you are and how lucky I was to have you as a Mom makes me grateful...but also makes me miss you more.
I guess the wonderful thing is...when I think about memories of Mom, I think about her as a whole person, before she got sick.
I hope she is in heaven celebrating her birthday today...doing what she always said a "Grandma's reward in heaven" would be...rocking the baby angels to sleep.
I Love You Mom. Happy Birthday.
Grrr...frustration...Update on Dad Sept 16
Well, I've been trying to post an update about Dad and running into technical difficulties with Internet Explorer this morning, so hopefully I can get this out before it shuts down on me again.
Dad has had several ups and downs this last week, and we have been very frustrated with his situation, and where he is being treated (or not treated) but I think for the time being we have evened those out, and things seem "okay" right now.
Dad is still at Kindred Hospital, which is an "Long Term Acute Care Hospital". He is finally out of the ICU, and in a regular hospital room. He has really gone up and down, from fighting breathing difficulties and having fluid in his left lung to having quite a few hallucinations or visions or dreams that are upsetting to him. He has also struggled just with strength and energy, often not being able to even stay awake for a few minutes when you come to visit, just seeming to have NO energy at all.
Right now, he seems to be on the upswing, ever so slightly. He has had a bit more energy the last few days, and is able to remain awake during a visit. Half of what he says is right on, and clear as a bell mentally, and half seems very confused, with visions of Mom being there, and secret Army work he has been up to. He is very anxious to get back to Victoria, and really does not think he needs to be in the hospital, but is too weak to even pull the sheet away from his body.
He still has the chest tube in, but is draining almost no fluid from it. The Dr's have been deliberating about taking it out/replacing it/or just taking it out period.
So bottom line is, he is slightly stronger and breathing has been a little better the last few days. He is having enough energy to argue with the nurses about treatment, and pull tubes out of his body. But his body is still extremely weak, and his mind is quite confused. What this all means, and the long term prognosis we are still not sure of. The Dr. told David last week that he felt this week would show a shift one way or the other...either moving toward improvement, or continuing further decline. We seem to be in kind of a holding pattern right now.
Please keep Dad in your prayers.
Dad has had several ups and downs this last week, and we have been very frustrated with his situation, and where he is being treated (or not treated) but I think for the time being we have evened those out, and things seem "okay" right now.
Dad is still at Kindred Hospital, which is an "Long Term Acute Care Hospital". He is finally out of the ICU, and in a regular hospital room. He has really gone up and down, from fighting breathing difficulties and having fluid in his left lung to having quite a few hallucinations or visions or dreams that are upsetting to him. He has also struggled just with strength and energy, often not being able to even stay awake for a few minutes when you come to visit, just seeming to have NO energy at all.
Right now, he seems to be on the upswing, ever so slightly. He has had a bit more energy the last few days, and is able to remain awake during a visit. Half of what he says is right on, and clear as a bell mentally, and half seems very confused, with visions of Mom being there, and secret Army work he has been up to. He is very anxious to get back to Victoria, and really does not think he needs to be in the hospital, but is too weak to even pull the sheet away from his body.
He still has the chest tube in, but is draining almost no fluid from it. The Dr's have been deliberating about taking it out/replacing it/or just taking it out period.
So bottom line is, he is slightly stronger and breathing has been a little better the last few days. He is having enough energy to argue with the nurses about treatment, and pull tubes out of his body. But his body is still extremely weak, and his mind is quite confused. What this all means, and the long term prognosis we are still not sure of. The Dr. told David last week that he felt this week would show a shift one way or the other...either moving toward improvement, or continuing further decline. We seem to be in kind of a holding pattern right now.
Please keep Dad in your prayers.
Okay...back at it!
Sorry for my blogging absence, but I have to say the last week has been one of the craziest, busiest, most stressful weeks I have had in a LONG time. I think I was working so hard to "keep it together" that finally I ran out of steam and hit a wall.
But I'm back. And before I get into an update on Dad...here is something I found funny, no matter what your political affiliation is. I think Tina Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin is amazing (besides the acting dumb part)...she certainly has her mannorisms DOWN. And while I lately just feel sick and tired of all of the political BS, I thought this clip was just all in good fun ;-)
But I'm back. And before I get into an update on Dad...here is something I found funny, no matter what your political affiliation is. I think Tina Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin is amazing (besides the acting dumb part)...she certainly has her mannorisms DOWN. And while I lately just feel sick and tired of all of the political BS, I thought this clip was just all in good fun ;-)
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Update on Dad-September 9, 2008
Dad seemed to be doing much better tonight, although I am cautious of one step forward, two steps back progression. He was very lucid, and his blood pressure was much more normal.
Tomorrow they will replace his existing chest tube with a new one, apparently the existing one is blocked and no longer effective. His left chest area/lung is still having a lot of fluid around it, and the hope is that the tube can drain much of this fluid, making it easier for Dad to breathe. He does not complain about how he feels, as a matter of fact he tells me he feels "fine". He is anxious to get back to Victoria, and wants to schedule a poker game with Rob for next week.
There is talk about moving Dad out of the ICU and into a regular room in the next few days. Based on the treatment I saw him receive in the "regular" rooms in the past that makes me nervous, but we are watching very closely and will monitor the level of care. Hopefully that will be a short visit and he will be back at Victoria in no time at all.
More updates tomorrow.
Tomorrow they will replace his existing chest tube with a new one, apparently the existing one is blocked and no longer effective. His left chest area/lung is still having a lot of fluid around it, and the hope is that the tube can drain much of this fluid, making it easier for Dad to breathe. He does not complain about how he feels, as a matter of fact he tells me he feels "fine". He is anxious to get back to Victoria, and wants to schedule a poker game with Rob for next week.
There is talk about moving Dad out of the ICU and into a regular room in the next few days. Based on the treatment I saw him receive in the "regular" rooms in the past that makes me nervous, but we are watching very closely and will monitor the level of care. Hopefully that will be a short visit and he will be back at Victoria in no time at all.
More updates tomorrow.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Dad-Update Sept 8th
Not too much change today, but perhaps a little bit of good news. I am a little hesitant to say..."he's getting better" as I have found one step forward can just as quickly mean 2 steps back.
David had a better visit this morning than I had had last night. Dad was more lucid, more awake than I had seen him, and even remembered that I had been there to visit the night before. David reported that his breathing was "not too bad" and that he seemed generally comfortable.
We are still waiting to hear from the Dr., and even though David made it clear to a (as he called it) "brain dead" receptionist at the Dr.s office that he needed to speak to him about Dad's condition (the Dr. has not spoken to a family member since Dad was checked in...almost a week ago), David still did not recieve a call back today.
Hopefully we will get to have a conversation tomorrow with the Dr. and get an idea about long-term prognosis. We are hoping and praying that he continues a positive path of healing, and gets a little better each day. This has not been the path we have seen over the last several days, but perhaps the turn-around we have been hoping for is starting to happen.
I tell myself to focus on faith. Let's God will be done. I know that Mom is his angel, on his shoulder.
More updates tomorrow.
David had a better visit this morning than I had had last night. Dad was more lucid, more awake than I had seen him, and even remembered that I had been there to visit the night before. David reported that his breathing was "not too bad" and that he seemed generally comfortable.
We are still waiting to hear from the Dr., and even though David made it clear to a (as he called it) "brain dead" receptionist at the Dr.s office that he needed to speak to him about Dad's condition (the Dr. has not spoken to a family member since Dad was checked in...almost a week ago), David still did not recieve a call back today.
Hopefully we will get to have a conversation tomorrow with the Dr. and get an idea about long-term prognosis. We are hoping and praying that he continues a positive path of healing, and gets a little better each day. This has not been the path we have seen over the last several days, but perhaps the turn-around we have been hoping for is starting to happen.
I tell myself to focus on faith. Let's God will be done. I know that Mom is his angel, on his shoulder.
More updates tomorrow.
Zoey-Newsletter Month 114
Well, I feel a little guilty as I have yet to do a "newsletter" for your sister. But as I did not start yours until you were already almost 9 1/2, and she is not even 6 years old...I'll get over it. I've had a few other things to write about this month (unfortunately) and will hopefully start hers in 10 days from now. Believe me, I have plenty to say about your sister.
But as for you...this is what is going on this month. You began 4th grade, and have a new teacher, and when I say new I mean she is 22 years old and this is her very first year of teaching. Her name is Mrs. Klitzing, and she is not only a new teacher, but is also a newlywed. She is very pretty, and seems full of new ideas. You seem to really like her, and I feel the same. I like the fact that she does not "grade" religion, and I agree with her completely, how do you "grade" somebody's view and instinct about their religious beliefs? Educate, but do not stifle. I like it. Reminds me of Mom.
I can't believe that my first born is now a 4th grader, and I could not be more proud. Today your first week's homework and tests came home and your lowest grade on anything was 95%. Your spelling test was 100% + 1 (extra credit) as well as your memory test (100% +1). You are working so hard, and it shows. And it's not easy. You go from 8AM to 4:30ishPM every day at school, then straight to soccer practice which lasts until 6:30. Then there is homework to be done, and dinner, bath, and by the time you are finished with the "mandatory" stuff you maybe have 1/2 hour to yourself, which you choose to spend reading. And lately your "1/2 hour" is spent driving to the hospital to see Grandpa Stan. You NEVER complain. You give Mommy extra hugs and tell me how much you love me...or give me reminders that God has Grandpa in his hands. And more often than not, that simple reminder is enough to smack me out of my reverie, and make me focus on NOW...and the fact that my Dad is in God's hands, and that what is happening to him is part of God's plan.
Thank you, baby. You are wise beyond your years.
So this Saturday was your first soccer game, and while it was "pre-season" it was just as real to you as to your opponents. And the "Maniacs" kicked butt...winning 7-0!!!" I am so proud of you, and while I was not able to be there this week, I was monitering the game via text message with Daddy, who was updating me with every score. Word is that your coach had to tell the team to "take it easy" on the other team half way through the game...to not make the other team too discouraged! Daddy says you missed a goal by just a few inches, and I just can't wait so see you score one, I know it won't be long!
This week you also started your first week of "Junior Girl Scouts"...the ones with the green uniforms. You are excited about the upcoming events, and Mommy is excited about the fact you can participate in Girl Scouts without me being a leader! But if the truth be known...I honestly miss it more than just a little, and miss my girls and my troop. If I didn't have to work a full time job, I would love to have continued on with our troop, and move forward with you. I know you will have a great year, though, and I will be there to help you any way I can.
So this is your life right now. School, homework, soccer, Girl Scouts, and dealing with a Grandpa and Grandma that are so very ill. You handle it all with grace and empathy, and I could not possibly be more proud of you. I am, indeed, the luckiest Mommy on the planet.
I love you baby!
Mommy
But as for you...this is what is going on this month. You began 4th grade, and have a new teacher, and when I say new I mean she is 22 years old and this is her very first year of teaching. Her name is Mrs. Klitzing, and she is not only a new teacher, but is also a newlywed. She is very pretty, and seems full of new ideas. You seem to really like her, and I feel the same. I like the fact that she does not "grade" religion, and I agree with her completely, how do you "grade" somebody's view and instinct about their religious beliefs? Educate, but do not stifle. I like it. Reminds me of Mom.
I can't believe that my first born is now a 4th grader, and I could not be more proud. Today your first week's homework and tests came home and your lowest grade on anything was 95%. Your spelling test was 100% + 1 (extra credit) as well as your memory test (100% +1). You are working so hard, and it shows. And it's not easy. You go from 8AM to 4:30ishPM every day at school, then straight to soccer practice which lasts until 6:30. Then there is homework to be done, and dinner, bath, and by the time you are finished with the "mandatory" stuff you maybe have 1/2 hour to yourself, which you choose to spend reading. And lately your "1/2 hour" is spent driving to the hospital to see Grandpa Stan. You NEVER complain. You give Mommy extra hugs and tell me how much you love me...or give me reminders that God has Grandpa in his hands. And more often than not, that simple reminder is enough to smack me out of my reverie, and make me focus on NOW...and the fact that my Dad is in God's hands, and that what is happening to him is part of God's plan.
Thank you, baby. You are wise beyond your years.
So this Saturday was your first soccer game, and while it was "pre-season" it was just as real to you as to your opponents. And the "Maniacs" kicked butt...winning 7-0!!!" I am so proud of you, and while I was not able to be there this week, I was monitering the game via text message with Daddy, who was updating me with every score. Word is that your coach had to tell the team to "take it easy" on the other team half way through the game...to not make the other team too discouraged! Daddy says you missed a goal by just a few inches, and I just can't wait so see you score one, I know it won't be long!
This week you also started your first week of "Junior Girl Scouts"...the ones with the green uniforms. You are excited about the upcoming events, and Mommy is excited about the fact you can participate in Girl Scouts without me being a leader! But if the truth be known...I honestly miss it more than just a little, and miss my girls and my troop. If I didn't have to work a full time job, I would love to have continued on with our troop, and move forward with you. I know you will have a great year, though, and I will be there to help you any way I can.
So this is your life right now. School, homework, soccer, Girl Scouts, and dealing with a Grandpa and Grandma that are so very ill. You handle it all with grace and empathy, and I could not possibly be more proud of you. I am, indeed, the luckiest Mommy on the planet.
I love you baby!
Mommy
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Update on Dad-Sept 7, 2008
Sorry no update yesterday...just worn out I guess.
We went to see Dad last night (Saturday) and he was still very disoriented. Very upset about some hallucinations he was having, mostly to do with Mom. He is very convinced she is still living, and was there in his hospital room to see him. His breathing still seemed very labored to me. A Dr. had called me earlier in the day to ask our wishes about putting Dad back on the vent. if needed, as his breathing is not great. Of course I said yes, we would want that.
We don't have the results for his chest x-ray taken yesterday yet, to see how his pneumonia is changing.
As of tonight (Sunday) he was pretty much non-responsive when I went to see him. His nurse told me he had been given some medication to raise his blood pressure, and while I was there it was about 78/53. He had a pretty high heart rate as well, but I read when I got home that that is a common side-effect to the Dopamine medication he has been given for his blood pressure. His face was pretty red as well, and I was not really able to awaken him. He mumbled hello, but could not stay awake. His breathing still seems very labored to me.
Unfortunately I don't really see an improvement for Dad this weekend. He does not look better today than yesterday. I keep hoping and praying to see him start to turn around, and be a little better each day, but as of now that is not happening.
More updates tomorrow.
We went to see Dad last night (Saturday) and he was still very disoriented. Very upset about some hallucinations he was having, mostly to do with Mom. He is very convinced she is still living, and was there in his hospital room to see him. His breathing still seemed very labored to me. A Dr. had called me earlier in the day to ask our wishes about putting Dad back on the vent. if needed, as his breathing is not great. Of course I said yes, we would want that.
We don't have the results for his chest x-ray taken yesterday yet, to see how his pneumonia is changing.
As of tonight (Sunday) he was pretty much non-responsive when I went to see him. His nurse told me he had been given some medication to raise his blood pressure, and while I was there it was about 78/53. He had a pretty high heart rate as well, but I read when I got home that that is a common side-effect to the Dopamine medication he has been given for his blood pressure. His face was pretty red as well, and I was not really able to awaken him. He mumbled hello, but could not stay awake. His breathing still seems very labored to me.
Unfortunately I don't really see an improvement for Dad this weekend. He does not look better today than yesterday. I keep hoping and praying to see him start to turn around, and be a little better each day, but as of now that is not happening.
More updates tomorrow.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Dad tonight-Sept. 5th
Well, this person is somebody I know well. He is my Father. He gave me life, and I am genetically 50% him. I love him completely, and feel SO VERY SAD at what he has to go through now. I KNOW there is a reason (because my parents taught me so) why this must all be happening, but I am really struggling to understand it. My mind keeps saying, "GIVE THE GUY A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So, my update tonight is this. I went to the "hospital" he is in, and his care is much improved from last night. He is in the ICU at Kindred Hospital in Westminister, and now he has a 1 nurse/2 patient ratio. He is getting some respiratory care (although his breathing seemed very labored to me...and the nurse commented on the same), and his rash seems much better due to a medication change and specific medication for his itching. The nurse told me tonight that the "main" Dr. had ordered a derm. evaluation but the derm. Dr. for that facility was "on vacation" until Sept. 17th (12 days from now) and that in the meantime they would give Dad a med for itching and stop the antibiotic that they believe is causing the problem.
Okay...good. Dad is not itching at this moment, and says he is comfortable. What I think about the 12 day lag time for an elderly person to be evaluated in a "acute skilled nursing facility" I will leave for another day. If I go into that now I think I might bust an artery.
So Dad's update is this: he is having trouble breathing, but is not on a respirator. His arms are tied down (to the point of an altercation with today's "day" nurse, because he is trying to pull out tubes, and if he pulled out his chest tube it could be life threatning) and he does not like this (who would?). He is still having some major memory/hallucination problems and demonstrated that tonight with visions of Mom visiting him today and requests to buy some major businesses with "all his money in the bank". So this concerns me, more than I can say.
I left this hospital tonight with what I felt was...for the first time in my life...an anxiety attack. Could not breathe, hands shaking, feeling like I would be sick. I do feel like Dad is getting the care he needs, but also worry that he is suffering, and that it may not be enough.
God's will be done.
I'll update tomorrow.
Stef
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Update on Dad-September 4, 2008
Tonight my update is not as positive as I would like. Dad was transferred to a new facility last night at the recommendation of his Dr. at Hoag. This was to be an "in-between" type facility, a small hospital type facility that has more advanced nursing care than Victoria.
David was not thrilled with the staff/care he witnessed last night when he was with Dad and he got checked in. But as it was late in the evening, he figured it was just the time of day he was checked in, etc. I went to see Dad this afternoon around 3PM, and was very upset at his condition. He was very disoriented, having breathing difficulties, and suffering from a horrible, itchy rash. The Dr. had not seen or assessed him since he had been checked in there...almost 24 hours before. Without going into all of the details, it seemed to me that he had kind of fallen through the cracks, and had really received little or no medical care since his arrival. I rattled the cage a little while I was there and got some treatment and attention going. I called David, who had all of the contact info, and he made the necessary calls to get the Dr. in there immediately and some treatment going on.
Dad has now been moved into the "ICU" part of this new facility, where the patients have 1 nurse for every 2 patients. We are hoping that his care the last 24 hours was a one time thing, and that things will be better from now on since we have called attention to it. We will be closely monitoring his care, and making sure he is getting everything he needs.
I know both David and I are both physically and emotionally drained/exhausted. We are so frustrated to see Dad, who has fought so hard to get where he is over the last two weeks, slip backward due to what seems like poor care over the last 24 hour period. His condition is so fragile, and he has been so sick and so weak that it does not take much to set him back.
David is going in a much deserved and long awaited cruise with his family and in laws over the weekend, leaving tomorrow and returning Monday. In the meantime, Rob and I will be making sure Dad has the care he needs at this new facility, or making sure he is moved to somewhere he will receive the best.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. Please keep Dad in your prayers.
David was not thrilled with the staff/care he witnessed last night when he was with Dad and he got checked in. But as it was late in the evening, he figured it was just the time of day he was checked in, etc. I went to see Dad this afternoon around 3PM, and was very upset at his condition. He was very disoriented, having breathing difficulties, and suffering from a horrible, itchy rash. The Dr. had not seen or assessed him since he had been checked in there...almost 24 hours before. Without going into all of the details, it seemed to me that he had kind of fallen through the cracks, and had really received little or no medical care since his arrival. I rattled the cage a little while I was there and got some treatment and attention going. I called David, who had all of the contact info, and he made the necessary calls to get the Dr. in there immediately and some treatment going on.
Dad has now been moved into the "ICU" part of this new facility, where the patients have 1 nurse for every 2 patients. We are hoping that his care the last 24 hours was a one time thing, and that things will be better from now on since we have called attention to it. We will be closely monitoring his care, and making sure he is getting everything he needs.
I know both David and I are both physically and emotionally drained/exhausted. We are so frustrated to see Dad, who has fought so hard to get where he is over the last two weeks, slip backward due to what seems like poor care over the last 24 hour period. His condition is so fragile, and he has been so sick and so weak that it does not take much to set him back.
David is going in a much deserved and long awaited cruise with his family and in laws over the weekend, leaving tomorrow and returning Monday. In the meantime, Rob and I will be making sure Dad has the care he needs at this new facility, or making sure he is moved to somewhere he will receive the best.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. Please keep Dad in your prayers.
Dad is out of Hoag--being transferred to another facility!
Another update from David:
This was from last night and indeed Dad did get moved to this facility late last night. I did not see him, as Rob is out of town and by the time he got there it was too late for me to drag the girls out (it's a school night). I did get a voicemail from David last night around 10PM that he was there and stituated, so hopefully he will continue his recovery and will be back at Victoria before long.
I spoke with a Dr. Katz at Hoag today who advised that they felt that Dad was ready to be transferred to an alternate facility for his ongoing care. They are recommending a facility called “Kindred Healthcare Hospital” and he described it as an acute care skilled nursing facility. Essentially, the level of care offered is less intensive than the ICU units at Hoag but, offers a pulmonary specific care capability that demands more skilled training than the staff at Victoria can offer. He projected that it would be very likely that Dad will be in this facility for a couple of weeks before he is ready to return to Victoria.
This was from last night and indeed Dad did get moved to this facility late last night. I did not see him, as Rob is out of town and by the time he got there it was too late for me to drag the girls out (it's a school night). I did get a voicemail from David last night around 10PM that he was there and stituated, so hopefully he will continue his recovery and will be back at Victoria before long.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Dad Update from David
This is an email update from David:
Dad seemed pretty well when we went to visit him last night. He has settled into the sub-ICU and is comfortable. As has been the case in the past, he is entering a stage where he is more wakeful and generally more alert. His overall lucidity tends to fluctuate – in particular, he almost always has questions for me about Mom when I go to see him. Initially, I would have to remind him that Mom was no longer with us and that didn’t always seem to register. Now, a gentle reminder is generally all that is necessary to kind of bring him back to the present.
On his last stay at Hoag (in Dec.) this was the stage in his recovery that he had some really WEIRD hallucinations. He is in a condition where he drifts in and out of sleep very frequently and it seems that whatever is on TV tends to mix with his own dream patterns and distant memories to create a very unusual tapestry of thought… I will be hoping that we can avoid much of that this time around. When he has somebody to visit with he tends to slowly hone in on the present and can once again carry a reasonable conversation.
Otherwise, he continues on the antibiotics and the chest tube continues to drain a significant amount of fluid from his chest cavity. He told me that his breathing is similar to how one’s head feels when they have a cold – it will alternate between very stuffy and mostly clear. The nurse confirmed that this should be expected to continue for a bit longer. All in all, he is continuing to make positive progress but the progress is, and will probably continue to be, tediously slow.
Update on Dad-September 3, 2008
Well, sorry for no update yesterday...honestly there is not much to report. We are just feeling SO BLESSED that Dad is doing so much better, and is out of the CVICU. Now it is really just a matter of his regaining his strength and remaining on the antibiotics for a little while longer to clear up the pneumonia.
If anyone is so inclined, Dad LOVES receiving mail. If you send it to me I will make sure and take it to him and help him enjoy it. He especially loves pictures, so if any of you "long lost" cousins, friends, relatives would like to send him pictures of yourself, your dog, your house...you get the idea...he would LOVE that. Please email me at:
stefaniewarren@yahoo.com
and I will give you my home address to send it to. He has little to do except for watching TV, and it is difficult for him to even hold a book to read it, he has very little to look forward to. But he does love mail, and when he gets any he will treasure it for days, stopping anyone who will give him a minute to share it. Even if you want to send him an email, just send it to my email address above and I will print it out and bring it to him. He also loves receiving a good joke...and then repeating it to all that will listen :-) So dust off your favorite knock knock's...and send them his way. He will appreciate it more than you can imagine.
Well, that's all for now. I wish I had more to report, but hopefully will be sharing the good news that he is able to return to Victoria soon. Today marks 2 weeks he has been in the hospital. Ugh...as great as Hoag hospital is, I would be happy if I never had to see it again.
Have a great Wednesday!
If anyone is so inclined, Dad LOVES receiving mail. If you send it to me I will make sure and take it to him and help him enjoy it. He especially loves pictures, so if any of you "long lost" cousins, friends, relatives would like to send him pictures of yourself, your dog, your house...you get the idea...he would LOVE that. Please email me at:
stefaniewarren@yahoo.com
and I will give you my home address to send it to. He has little to do except for watching TV, and it is difficult for him to even hold a book to read it, he has very little to look forward to. But he does love mail, and when he gets any he will treasure it for days, stopping anyone who will give him a minute to share it. Even if you want to send him an email, just send it to my email address above and I will print it out and bring it to him. He also loves receiving a good joke...and then repeating it to all that will listen :-) So dust off your favorite knock knock's...and send them his way. He will appreciate it more than you can imagine.
Well, that's all for now. I wish I had more to report, but hopefully will be sharing the good news that he is able to return to Victoria soon. Today marks 2 weeks he has been in the hospital. Ugh...as great as Hoag hospital is, I would be happy if I never had to see it again.
Have a great Wednesday!
Monday, September 01, 2008
I love the smell of crayons in the morning!
With everything going on with Dad, and Henny, and just general life, it is easy to adopt an overall worried/stressed attitude, a kind of "down-in-the-dumps" mentality. It's a rut. But I do know that it is a choice, and you can change your mood if you just try hard enough. But believe it or not, I have found out a way to change your mood almost instantly. And it only takes a minute.
Or an hour.
I decided at the beginning of this year to do something about an issue that has been really bugging me for the last 2 years, since I have not been working for myself and making my own schedule. That was to be able to spend more time in my children's classes...field trips, etc. Not just hear at the end of the day what they were doing:
"How was your day at school today honey?"
"Fine."
"What did you do?"
and I would get one of two choices...
"Play" or "Same stuff"
Fabulous. Very descriptive.
So I decided to volunteer in the girls classes in the mornings before I have to be at work. And boy am I glad I did!
Maybe it is the genes of the Kindergarten teacher my Mom was, but did I ever have a good time! The colorful room, the short tables, the beautiful faces of kids so proud of their new uniforms and school supplies...no one more so than my own Sugar Plum. The art supplies, the chubby little fingers trying to clumsily cut with blue and purple scissors, the fat crayons, I just soaked it all in. The kids were hilarious, even when they were acting up (one little girl had her head stuck in her cubby crying for her Mom...first week blues but it was really funny) but most were just really excited to be there, "big kids" and doing school work. Getting to do it with Andrea was definitely an added bonus.
One of the activities they were working on was making a "mini-me" a paper doll that was supposed to look like the child. This one caught my eye...hey, some were a little more anatomically correct than others!
They were also "cooking" making Stop Lights, which I found out were two graham crackers with frosting and red, green and yellow M&M's. Yummy.
Near the end of the hour, Mrs. Kahler (who reminds me SO MUCH of Mom) put her arm around me, squeezed my shoulders and said, "Mrs. Warren, I'm just so glad you were able to do this!"
Me too, Mrs. Kahler...me too. You have NO IDEA how much.
Or an hour.
I decided at the beginning of this year to do something about an issue that has been really bugging me for the last 2 years, since I have not been working for myself and making my own schedule. That was to be able to spend more time in my children's classes...field trips, etc. Not just hear at the end of the day what they were doing:
"How was your day at school today honey?"
"Fine."
"What did you do?"
and I would get one of two choices...
"Play" or "Same stuff"
Fabulous. Very descriptive.
So I decided to volunteer in the girls classes in the mornings before I have to be at work. And boy am I glad I did!
Maybe it is the genes of the Kindergarten teacher my Mom was, but did I ever have a good time! The colorful room, the short tables, the beautiful faces of kids so proud of their new uniforms and school supplies...no one more so than my own Sugar Plum. The art supplies, the chubby little fingers trying to clumsily cut with blue and purple scissors, the fat crayons, I just soaked it all in. The kids were hilarious, even when they were acting up (one little girl had her head stuck in her cubby crying for her Mom...first week blues but it was really funny) but most were just really excited to be there, "big kids" and doing school work. Getting to do it with Andrea was definitely an added bonus.
One of the activities they were working on was making a "mini-me" a paper doll that was supposed to look like the child. This one caught my eye...hey, some were a little more anatomically correct than others!
They were also "cooking" making Stop Lights, which I found out were two graham crackers with frosting and red, green and yellow M&M's. Yummy.
Near the end of the hour, Mrs. Kahler (who reminds me SO MUCH of Mom) put her arm around me, squeezed my shoulders and said, "Mrs. Warren, I'm just so glad you were able to do this!"
Me too, Mrs. Kahler...me too. You have NO IDEA how much.
Update on Dad-September 1
Dad was finally moved from the CVICU today to a "regular" hospital room, or a step-down unit as the nurse described it. Now that the tube is out and the bleeding has stopped he just needs to be able to clear up the pneumonia and he should hopefully be able to go back to Victoria. He seems anxious to go back, and again be in his comfort zone. After all there is no place like home.
I think as sick as he has been it may be several days before he is released, but at least now I feel comfortable believing that the worst is over.
This time.
I think as sick as he has been it may be several days before he is released, but at least now I feel comfortable believing that the worst is over.
This time.
Update on Dad-August 31
Well, I guess this update is actually from Sept 1, as it is 12:42 and I am up and updating. I have trouble sleeping when Rob is gone and Dad is in the hospital...funny thing...
Anyway, Dad was doing MUCH better today. He was awake and aware when the girls and I visited him, as a matter of fact he called me on my cell phone bright and early this morning, so I knew he was feeling better! Unfortunately I could hardly understand him on the phone (he is difficult under the best of circumstances) and so I got that he did not know we were there yesterday (not a surprise as he seemed very sleepy) and he wanted to seem some family. I let him know that David would be there this AM and the girls and I would be down later.
When we got there he seemed very awake and lucid, and he seemed very happy to hear about the girls starting school, etc. His voice is VERY weak, but he says his throat is not sore from the vent tube. He mentioned that they had tried to get him up, and that it scared him that his knees buckled under him. I reminded him that he has been VERY sick for 12 days now, and that it was to be expected that he would be weak...just give it time. I heard later from David that he had had the same conversation earlier in the day.
So all in all he is definitely improving, but not yet ready to leave the CVICU. The main issues, the pneumonia and the intestinal bleeding have seemed to have greatly improved, and that is what we have been praying for.
Before we left, we said a prayer as we always do. This time Avery wanted to say the prayer, and she asked God to protect and heal Grandpa. Then when she was done Dad asked to join in the prayer, and thanked God for blessing him with the "wonderful family he has" that has "carried him through his difficulties". I thank God he has given me such a wonderful example for a Father.
More updates tomorrow.
Anyway, Dad was doing MUCH better today. He was awake and aware when the girls and I visited him, as a matter of fact he called me on my cell phone bright and early this morning, so I knew he was feeling better! Unfortunately I could hardly understand him on the phone (he is difficult under the best of circumstances) and so I got that he did not know we were there yesterday (not a surprise as he seemed very sleepy) and he wanted to seem some family. I let him know that David would be there this AM and the girls and I would be down later.
When we got there he seemed very awake and lucid, and he seemed very happy to hear about the girls starting school, etc. His voice is VERY weak, but he says his throat is not sore from the vent tube. He mentioned that they had tried to get him up, and that it scared him that his knees buckled under him. I reminded him that he has been VERY sick for 12 days now, and that it was to be expected that he would be weak...just give it time. I heard later from David that he had had the same conversation earlier in the day.
So all in all he is definitely improving, but not yet ready to leave the CVICU. The main issues, the pneumonia and the intestinal bleeding have seemed to have greatly improved, and that is what we have been praying for.
Before we left, we said a prayer as we always do. This time Avery wanted to say the prayer, and she asked God to protect and heal Grandpa. Then when she was done Dad asked to join in the prayer, and thanked God for blessing him with the "wonderful family he has" that has "carried him through his difficulties". I thank God he has given me such a wonderful example for a Father.
More updates tomorrow.
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