80 Years Ago Today

"You are his daughter?" she asked me. "Yes..." I replied between sobs. "I can tell, you have his eyes." I can remember thinking that she was just saying so...empty words to make the grieving feel better. After all, Dad's eyes were so much prettier than mine, a brighter blue. But his bright blue mixed with Mom's hazel created the grey/blue of mine...so I know I did have some part of him. She took her hand and closed his eyes for the last time. I remember thinking that was the last time I would see those kind and beautiful eyes. I miss them so much. I'm sure this kind nurse at Hoag had done this many times...but I still see his eyes turning dull with death. A horrible thing I wish I could forget.

Dad would have been 80 years old today. He reminded me more than once this year that he would be turning 80 this year...it was a big deal. What were we going to do? How would we celebrate? He always loved birthdays, actually any kind of holiday. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any reason to get the family together for the day. I understand it so much better today than I did back then. Now I am a wife and a parent, and I know what it means to have a "family" day. Now I realize it was not so much the day that he wanted to celebrate, but just the togetherness. I get it now Dad...I finally get it.

Mom and Dad made the tough choice to leave the familiar and head into the unknown when they decided to take a job in Saudi Arabia. That choice allowed us all to see the world, the tourist traps and the unknown little villages deep in Third World countries. This bravery shaped my world and made me the person I am today. What a blessing it was that they were brave enough to take those steps and make that leap with our little family. Dad documented it all with is camera and is rarely in the pictures, but here is one of us both. I hated having my picture taken, but now regret it, as Dad always had his camera on his hip and we were always frowning and complaining. Now I am the one with the camera...and I am so grateful that he taught me the value of documenting one's life with photographs.

What lessons have I learned from being Stan Monson's daughter? I hope there are many that have sunk in. I have learned that loving one's family is the most important thing...FAMILY is everything. He was a very patient and loving Father. I never had any doubt that he loved me completely. He loved my husband and children and told me so frequently. He loved my Mother...and showed me that throughout the years of their marriage, and even after she was gone. He taught me the importance of documenting one's life with photographs, and now I am the one with the camera on my hip...annoying friends and family with the flash in their faces. But it was at the end of his life that I learned the most from my Dad. Confined to a bed, his body twisted with Parkinson's, he NEVER complained. He never asked "why me" or was bitter about his condition. Even after Mom died, when a good friend asked if he was ready to "go on" he replied, "no, I'm not done witnessing yet". He was such a strong Christian man, with such strong Faith. I hope to have a fraction of that strength and faith when then end of my life is near and I am facing that difficult road.

So Happy Birthday Dad. I love you so much and miss you more than these simple words can say. My dear friend Lo sent me such a kind email this morning, knowing what a hard day today would be for me, and it set the picture in my mind of you in heaven, celebrating your first heavenly birthday. I can hear your beautiful deep voice booming in song. I hope you and Mom are singing together...she is at the piano and you are standing behind her as you have always done. As it should be.

Happy 80th Birthday Dad. I Love You.