Mom-she's gone

Well, everything has been a blur, a numb blur the last few days. As most of you know, Mom passed away (somehow that term just pisses me off) on January 21st, around 11:10 AM. Her death certificate says Jan 22nd...around 12:25. That is when they got around to "pronouncing her dead". Okay, I'm just generally mad. Or sad. About the whole thing. And to me she didn't "pass away"...she died. She's dead.

To be honest, I'm mad at her. She was a closet smoker for 30 years, and that was most likely the cause of her stroke. Why did she not care about her body better than she did? Why did she not want to be here for her children, and grandchildren. Was it depression? Should we have done more? Maybe I'm mad at myself. Probably, that's it. I want her back. Whole.

So being mad at her does nothing. It's a waste of time. So what can I learn from this? Take better care of my body? Defintely! I'm not doing all I can (as Rob constantly reminds me) to work out and exercise my body.

"Note to self...go to gym tomorrow!"

Should I eat better, drink less? YES! All of the above! Unfortunately, right now I feel like getting hammered and having a huge bananna split. Just kidding. A fudge brownie would do just fine.

Well, I'm crabby, tired and at the end of my rope, for reasons only my husband can fully comprehend. Ah, that's life. I guess. Damn this day to hell. No, that's too strong.

Ah fooey.

Off to bed now.